43.1696° N, 77.5607° W

Many moons ago, this is the exact spot I realized I was in love with a man I shouldn’t be but have been in love with over many lifetimes.

The summer of 2006 was a strange season in my life. Just about two years prior, I purchased my home in New York.  In the winter of 2005, I got engaged. And by the time the days were longer, I had no idea what I wanted for myself or my life. Except to sing.

So, I answered an ad on craigslist (does anybody even use craigslist anymore?!) and a few days later met up with two strangers to audition for their band.

Up the stairs I went in a house built in the early 1900’s and I sang a few songs including U2’s “New Year’s Day” to two guys about my age. One of the guys seemed rather disinterested and the other was rather agitated. I figured I didn’t make the cut and thanked them for the opportunity. I was really nervous that day. I just needed an escape from my life, and I was counting on joining a band.

I answered a few more ads with no response and I got a call from one of the guys I sang for. “Hey, it’s Justin. When can we get together?”

Sweet! I was the singer! Super stoked, I went out and bought a new notebook from Office Max (are there any of those still around?) I couldn’t wait to start writing lyrics for the music the guys had already composed.

Though I can’t remember the exact amount of time, the other guy decided he didn’t want to be part of the project anymore. Justin seemed bummed but we redirected. He got out his acoustic guitar and we agreed that as a duo, open mic nights were in our near future.

We spent a lot of time together.

A. Lot. Of. Time.

This dude annoyed the hell out of me. We would go on hikes when our creative juices weren’t flowing. And then after long hikes, we’d cook together to feed ourselves. Because food.

As much as he annoyed me, I enjoyed being near Justin. I could trust him and talk to him about anything. It likely didn’t seem like a good idea for an engaged woman to be spending time with a guy she wasn’t engaged to. But it was completely platonic.

Until it wasn’t.

One night, Justin and I walked around the neighborhood, likely because we were agitating each other because of creative differences or technical hiccups.  We walked by this pizzeria and his friend’s dad was outside.

I felt like this man looked through my soul. He smiled at me and Justin and said, “you make a strong couple.”


I don’t recall the details of the conversation as it was years ago, but I do remember him asking us our astrological signs. He insisted he just could feel that we were right and how it’s rare to come across couples like that.

“We’re not a couple. Just friends,” I heard Justin say out loud.

It was right then I looked at Justin.
And never looked at him the same again.

It was the exact moment I realized I was in love with a man I shouldn’t be, but always had been over many lifetimes, and always would be.

Thirteen summers later, we would be more than just friends.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *